down with the diamond

so there's been incredible pressure to eat ethiopian food recently. tonight, i finally gave in, and we ate at ethiopian diamond on broadway here in chicago. i have to agree with the reviews on the internets - it's the best ethiopian food i've ever had. and by best i've ever had i mean only i've ever had. but i feel like to do this evening justice i need to start at the beginning...

about 7 years ago, when my fiance and i still lived in boston, she asked me one summer evening (i believe it was a thursday) if we could go to this local italian place down the street from our apartment. not being a huge italian fan, i managed to dodge it that night. and every other night for the next 2 years until we moved. then we went back to visit friends and saw it was gone, and she got upset that we never went there.

fast forward to 2002 and she finds this ethiopian place not far from our apartment. once again, i was able to dodge for a few years - we moved and it was less convenient, thai is so good and so close, etc. then came the news that prominent scholar cornel west spoke at my fiance's school and mentioned this was his favorite place to eat in chicago, and possibly the best ethiopian food he's ever eaten. this past summer i mentioned this place to a friend at work, who being far more adventurous than i, promptly went there with her boyfriend and raved about it. the final nail in the coffin came when one of our best friends went there around christmas time. i knew my days were numbered. so i did what any self-respecting man of integrity would do - i made it a group outing so i could hide my displeasure in a crowd!

we finally scheduled this event - and i use the word event loosely (i don't lead an exciting life) - and decided saturday january 21st would be the date. for the past 3 days i daydreamed about what it might taste like; i read all the reviews online, pulled up pictures of the different types of dishes, and even looked up recipes. people told me it tasted like indian food, and i happen to despise indian food. needless to say i've been trying to come up with pleasant comments that sufficiently hid my displeasure - mmmm...that's tasty; wow - that's really not bad; yum - i just threw up in my mouth a little bit. to make matters worse i've been sick for the past week, and i knew the friends we were going with were somewhat germ-o-phobic - not completely insane, but slightly more cognizant that most. so i've been doing my best for the past 4 days to really knock the cold out of me so we could eat family-style - the traditional ethiopian method (apparently).

so the moment had arrived, and so had we. our reservations were at 730, and due to parking issues we walked in the door at 745. the place was big, and open, and packed. but we noticed one nice table for 4 sort of in the middle of the fray. after some poking and prodding we learned that was our table. and what a table it was. for the next 3 hours (i'm a man of hyperbole, but this is no joke). after 15 minutes of sitting and talking, i got us menus so we could order when our server came. the mistake with this logic was the assumption that a server *would* come. in fact, no one came for about another 20 minutes (not counting the busboy filling our water glasses. when i asked 'who's our waiter?' he politely responded with a nod. when i asked again, he again responded with a nod.) this was, as i like to call it, the perfect good news bad news situation. good news - we had a table while dozens of people were standing waiting. bad news - we had no server. good news - we had menus so we knew what we wanted. bad news - we had no server.

after finally ordering and waiting another hour for our food to be prepared, it arrived. and boy did it arrive. it was served on a large silver tray, with a layer of injera topped with various items. being the meat lover i am (insert joke), i immediate went for the closest pile of meat. i picked it up with a piece of injera, and promptly forced it in my mouth. as soon as i bit down, i knew something was wrong. 'is there supposed to be something hard in this?' i mumbled. 'oh - that might be a bone'. odd, the menu said 'boneless' beef, chicken and lamb. but sure enough, i have 1 part tender beef 2 parts solid femur in my mouth. after introducing mr. femur to mr. napkin, i dove back in (albeit reluctantly). from then on, i was a fan. the spinach, collard greens and potatoes were all good. as were the lamb, beef sans bones, and chicken. and in the injera is defintely different, but definitely good. By far, however, my favorite part of the meal was the kej - a traditional ethiopian wine. it was like crack.

the final 'moment' of the evening (and by evening i mean eternity) came when i used the men's room. while standing at a urinal, a gentlemen who was washing his hands says to me 'so, are you guys single?'. as the words and the situation sank in, i managed to politely say 'umm...no' to which he responded 'oh - there are a lot of different people here tonight.' not quite knowing where to take this, i responded with 'oh really, this is our first time here.' so here are my issues with this: 1.when i'm using the men's room, don't speak to me. if you know me, fine, speak. but even then, let's keep it to a minimum (unless we're shouldering up at the troughs of wrigley, and then it's cool, but only if you're talking about the game, how much you hate corey patterson or todd walker, or how you can't wait to get back your seat to order another beer). 2.it was quite clear no one at our table was single. 2 guys, 2 girls - tough math, but conclusions can easily be drawn. as if it's not bad enough getting hit on, in a men's room, by an odd looking guy, i got the most non-sensical line ever - not 'do you come here often?' but 'there are a lot of different people here tonight.' what the f does that mean?!?!?

after waiting for our check almost as long as we waited to order, our adventure ended. unfortunately, we were all off in our own little worlds - part food coma, part i-can't-believe-we've-been-here-for-almost-3-f-ing-hours, part can we finally leave now. needless to say no one was really up for anything else, which is too bad, but understandable.

overall, i'd rate this experience a 7.5. the food was good if unspectacular. the service was pretty bad, but i think that had something to do with the seemingly unexpected crowd. perhaps we'll try it again on a week night. perhaps.